Before, I hardly considered myself a blogger. I just thought that I want to be a blogger, and was just starting to be one. Thanks to Princessa of course.

Now, I don’t feel that I’m any closer to being a blogger at all. I rarely update, and when I do, I don’t think I’m contributing much. When I first started this, I thought it would be just writing whatever I want to write. But eventually, especially after reading other blogs, I realized that casual writing wouldn’t be enough.

There’s a lot of bloggers out there who are actually making a difference. Sharing not just their experiences, but knowledge as well. That’s what I am aiming to do. It’s just that I have a lot of things in my head right now, and it’s very inconvenient to write with my slow internet connections and all those seemingly shallow reasons, but everything piles up to me updating just every now and then.

I’m not giving up though. This is just a minor setback. I will resume to my usual daily updates, and by then I’ll make sure that I would be writing something of consequence more often. Until then, I’ll be grateful to the few people who still manages to visit my blog with their busy schedules.

I hope that time comes soon. I miss blogging!

I’ve been thinking, rethinking the choices in front of me. Speaking of, I went to an interview the other day. That was the third interview already for the same position and I was caught off guard with his comment.

He said I don’t sound like someone who came from the province and he also said I don’t sound like the ‘typical’ UP student.

I was sooo tempted to ask him just what he means by that! How does someone who grew up in the province should sound like? Is it really important that I sound like one? Wouldn’t that be redundant and can’t I sound like exactly how I want to sound like?

It’s not that I took his words in the long light. I seriously believe that he meant it in a good way. The only thing is, it also got me thinking of all the dogmas’ of society. On how we should talk, and behave. I have never believed in these norms.

I have always wanted to be different and I have the knack of surprising people. I find it quite amusing and fun!

Please please indulge me. I haven’t been mushy for quite some time and I miss that side of me. It’s just that I did something the other day, people might find it inconsequential but it’s really a big deal to me.

I have a humongous pride, and it’s really not my style.

It took me the whole day just to admit to Cathy what I have done. And only because she’s somewhat involved as well. But this small gesture of mine is really a big deal and maybe an hour before I did it, I would say I’d rather die than do something that I take to be degrading.

It’s not really degrading, people might even say it’s just normal but the thing is, I don’t believe in such ridiculous and immaterial gestures that I know will not be able to accomplish anything. I said I’d rather die, yet I did exactly what I told myself I wouldn’t do and I’m still not killing myself.

Probably because I’m happy with how things are doing with my life and I wouldn’t mind to have one aspect of my life to be messy, out of focus, dim and gloomy. That’s not true either. It’s not really messy, it’s just not that neat. Out of focus, well, yeah not clear but that’s not a big deal.

Dim and gloomy? Absolute fallacy. I still find it cute, endearing and hopelessly romantic. Of course nobody would understand what I’m talking about right? Maybe just Cathy. Princessa would say I’m talking in riddles again, but yeah that’s true.

I like going round and round in circles when it comes to this topic, always approaching the point, but not really getting there.

What I like calling it is a near truth. A fallacy tangent to the truth. Something that I would be the only one to understand. Because although I like to talk and share bits and pieces of me, I make sure nobody would be able to put the pieces together.

Everybody would have a piece of me enough to make assumptions that they would think are based upon sound judgments but nobody will be able to know for sure.

Alright, nothing is confirmed yet, but I have a feeling that things will go my way. I’m starting to settle everything that I went home to settle.
My parents have decided to retire, so they will be living in the City with us already. But probably they would be spending a lot of time in the farm because they really like provincial living. Although, they will be spending more time with me.

I made an agreement with my mother that yes, I will be staying in Philippines, but I would like to be able to go to Singapore every now and then, and meet my friends here in the Philippines for coffee or over night or something. (I really don’t like to go clubbing right now)

That they would treat me as an adult and not like I’m still in primary school. I’m still doing business with Princessa and most of my friends here in Philippines will be helping out as well. Most of my best friends here of course. (I knew they would come in handy. Hehe) » Read The Rest

I don’t know what to write.

For the first time in a long time, I seem to be in a situation when I’m in a lost of words. I think I’m a little confused on what to write about. I’m here in the Philippines, a lot of political issues and turmoil is happening, but I haven’t tried writing about it before. I’m still not quite sure how to write about it.

Do I still write about Singapore? I’m not that updated about what’s happening in that part of the world. All I know is that I miss Singapore and all the people that has grown in me there.

Do I write about my family? But they’re still the same. They’re one of the few things that will remain constant in my life. Still funny, still loud, still close, still happy together.

My friends? That one, maybe. That’s if I can constantly dodge the bullets whenever they find out that I write about them. They do love attention, and at the same time they detest it. We can say that they have a love hate relationship with fame.

Career? Well, a media company is offering me a job, and an advertising company, but that would mean I have to stay here. But I’m still thinking of going back to Singapore. Not for good as well, but every chance I get. So I have to put that on hold for now. (how long they will wait is a totally different story of course)

I still don’t know how to go about writing every single day. There are a lot of things happening around me still but… Aaah! I don’t know!

Confused. That’s what I am right now. There’s still a lot of opportunities but I’m scared to choose. Which path to take?!

1:00 PM January 22, 2007
Right on schedule, the plane took off. I was thinking, this is it. I’m finally going home to my family. To my country. I was taking photos of every step of the take off.

I want to remember that leaving Singapore, I was sad. Because I was able to really immerse myself in other people’s lives.

When the plane reached the right altitude, I took photos of the clouds. They were very beautiful. It’s a beautiful day.

Somewhere high above the sky, I decided to read through ‘his’ sms. A particular message caught my attention. I misunderstood what ‘he’ meant. It was too dumb of me. But I can’t blame myself. I can’t make sense during that time due to the sadness that has already overcome my senses.

That is when tears finally fell from my eyes. » Read The Rest

8:00 AM January 22, 2008

Bubbles called to wake me up. After which, I opened my mail to know what time my family would be able to pick me up the airport. I took a bath after that.

9:00 AM
I woke up Sab who then woke up Celest and Priss. So far, this is the earliest I’ve seen Celest wake up. I was deeply touched.

10:00 AM
We went to the carpark. We used Bubble’s car because his boot is big enough to accommodate my luggage. Ate Lita (Sab’s Filipina maid) helped me pack my things. She also has been close to me. Maybe because we speak the same language and we’re of the same race.

I don’t know. But she treated me like a younger sister.

I know in Singapore, it’s not common for maids to be close to their master’s friends but I don’t care. Being a maid is a decent occupation. They don’t steal or take advantage of people. What they do is to take care. » Read The Rest

Finally I’m Back to where I started. Reunited with my roots after 10 months of separation. It’s not an easy process to go through. I decided to chronicle every step of it. This entry is for all the wanderers in this world. For all the people who haven’t figured out where they want to be and where tomorrow will take them.

January 21, 2008
7:30 PM

I finally took my bath. Princessa is still on the process of taking hers. Priss is waiting for us in Toa Payoh. This is the last time that we’ll have a chance to talk. Then Bubbles. He’s on his way to pick us up to meet Priss. We will have my last dinner before I leave.

9:00 PM
We met Priss and shortly after that we went to a place where the most famous tenant is the ‘Botak Jones’. It’s right beside Singapore Press Holdings. We had seafoods pasta and lasagna. It was a scrumptious dinner. Specially tasty because I’m sharing it with friends.

10:00 PM
The usual smoke break. Always welcome after a meal. This part is difficult enough for me. They wanted me to decide what to do or where to go for my last night in Singapore. They have this footnote that says, what is the most memorable to me about SG. Except of course He-who-must-not-be-named (can’t get myself to write his name). » Read The Rest

My God!!!

I was gone for just a day and you pull this kind of stunt?! Ugh!

You know how hard it is to type he-who-must-not-be-named every time I’m referring to him?

Goodness gracious. Arg! And there’s even a photo. Waaah!

Fine, since it’s out then out it is. But unfortunately, I’m not in the mood to talk about it yet.

Oh, and I met up with the jerk ex boyfriend. He’s denying everything. He said that he has no reason to do that. Oh well… I don’t really care anymore. I just realized that I don’t feel anything for him now.

I hugged him.

Not because I want to but because I want to make sure if I’m just deluding myself, or am I really over him. I realized that now, hugging him is like hugging a pillow or any inanimate object. » Read The Rest

I just finished watching the movie Before Sunset with Princessa and Bubbles. It’s not the first time I watched it, but I can’t get tired watching it. I’m sure most people have seen the movie, but I believe there will be a big difference in opinion.

For me, I find the story to be very real. It’s about a guy and a girl who met each other in a train. They felt like there’s a connection between the two of them so decided to spend the whole day together. Basically the whole movie revolves around their tour of Vienna and their conversations as they walk the streets of the magnificent city.

It was very romantic. It’s as if they have known each other for so long because they felt very comfortable with each other. They talk about a lot of different topics and they never ran out of something to talk about. I guess one of the reasons for this is that it’s easier to talk to a stranger, because then you wouldn’t have to edit any of your stories. » Read The Rest