My last post, why did it sound as if I’m being defensive? Hmmmm…. Oh now I remember!

It’s because my stupid cousin (alvin saha) kept on making me regret my decisions. I remember one time, he kept on drilling me about he-who-must-not-be-named (yes, sometimes I still remember him) because I told him about IT.

My cousin said he knew about those kinds of guys and that I should be ashamed of myself because I’ve been duped. That he knows because he also does the same thing whenever he goes to a different country. You know, pursue a girl, and lead her on.

He kept ranting about that and I got really pissed off. Nobody has been duped!!! I knew where I stood, and I’m perfectly fine with it. Nobody should be blamed for anything because nobody got hurt. Geez!!!

Can’t I be happy to have met someone who I could actually talk to and be contented with just that? Without asking for anything, and without making any promises.

My cousin also kept on telling me that I just don’t know it but that guy probably has a girlfriend in his own country. Who the hell cares??!!! Truth is, I don’t know if he has a girlfriend (he said he doesn’t) and I don’t have any intention of finding out the truth. I have made up my mind on the role he’s going to play in my life and he did exactly that. He gave me good memories and I’m grateful. That’s it end of story.

I love my cousin and all, but sometimes… he can be a real PAIN IN THE ASS!!!

I forgot to mention that my favorite cousin, Alvin Saha came here to visit. He was supposed to stay for two months, but as usual, he messed up. Something about not being able to enlist in his subjects so he had to leave earlier than expected. If I’m not mistaken, he should be in Washington DC now, talking to the Dean of Admissions in Georgetown University.

Sometimes I envy him, because he is living a much more comfortable life. But really, I’m just happy for him and for me as well, because I just am. Whatever wrong decisions I made in the past, those just added up to the person that I am now. There will be no regrets for me. Everything I did, I did for my own reasons and during that time, they made sense. There’s no point to wallow and stop being happy. All my life I have always been happy.

Whether alone, with friends, with a loved one, with my family or by myself, I have always felt light and thankful for being alive. For having a tomorrow to look forward to, a now to enjoy and a past to reminisce.

It’s been so long since I last posted a photo in this blog. sigh. It’s just that uploading photos takes me eons to accomplish so I just forgot about it. People might even think I’m not really back in the Philippines because I don’t even have evidence to show it. Haha!

Anyway, about a week ago, my Uncle together with his wife and my grandmother dropped by the house the day they were supposed to go back to California. It’s been years since I last saw them. Naturally, my brothers were there too and all their kids. You won’t believe the ruckus and the noise. All my nieces and nephews were there.

My gosh, it was like all hell broke loose. It’s always the case every family gathering. An outsider would be taken aback. » Read The Rest

Okay, it’s not the biggest farm there is. It’s only two hectares but still, I’m sooo excited! I went there with my family last Sunday and it’s everything I would want in a farm.

There’s pine trees, and more than 30 mango trees and a lot more other trees. There’s also a little stream that serves as a border from the nearby property. Just the sound of the stream is enough to relax you from a tiring week.

The kids like the place. Their reason is of course there’s a lot more ground for them to run around. But for me, it’s more of the tranquility that the place provides. The air is fresh, the breeze is so cool and soothing. And unlike our fishpond in our province which would take us a four hour drive, a boat ride, and another hour and a half drive, this farm is just an hour away from the City.

My brothers are all very excited about this Farm. We’ve always wanted our own horses, and all of us really enjoy provincial living although all of us decided to live in the city for good.

We took some photos by my brothers’ internet sucks so I can’t upload it right now. When I have time, and the right internet connection, I’ll share it here in my blog. I can already imagine myself riding a horse around the property. Haiz! » Read The Rest

I think I didn’t phrase it correctly, so I just want to clear it out, my brother doesn’t have a mistress. That said and done, I’ll go directly to the story.

My brother was the one who told me about this the other day. It was my niece’s birthday so naturally there’s a family gathering. That’s where he told me the story.

A couple of days ago, I visited him in his office, as I normally do in the past. We chatted for a while, talking about life and all.

One of his office mates noticed me and exclaimed.

“Hi Cel. You’re a full grown lady now!”

Fine! I let that past, although I haven’t been away for a year and she’ll tell me that?! You’ve got to be kidding me right? So when I left I was a toddler? Ugh! » Read The Rest

Word of caution first: This entry would require your concentration.

I am not a nice person. I never claimed to be.

This entry is not about who I am or how I lived my life. It’s about those that matters to me the most. What I hold so dearly.

There are quite a few actually. They are God, my family, my friends, my career and knowledge. I will discuss their importance separately.

1. God

Nowadays there are more and more people who do not believe in a higher being. I do not judge them in any way. Everybody is entitled to their own belief. If I can bring God to their lives, that would be ideal. If not, then I will respect their belief.

As for my own faith, I have always believed in God. I mentioned it a lot of times in this blog already and I will not stop doing so. I do not define Him, nor will I ever say that I fully understand Him. I believe that he exists, that he created everything that exists.

I believe in a God that is loving, forgiving and giving.

The Alpha and the Omega, forever there, but forever unfathomable. I will always have faith.

2. Family

If there’s one thing that I always thank God for… It’s my family. They have always been my biggest supporter. They are the people who taught me the meaning of love and values of family.

My father (tatay) - To him, I will always be a little girl. Since I was a kid till now he has always prioritized me. Pampered me with love and affection. I miss having him around with his corny jokes and stories that I don’t know where he got from. I like poking him in the stomach and we will play pretend like we’re doing judo.

When I was in secondary school, I will sit on the lowest step of our stairs and wait for him to tell me when breakfast is ready. Then I will hug him and then eat the breakfast he cooked himself.

Whenever I hurt myself I will always call to him. For some reason he makes everything seem right. » Read The Rest

Finally, I have my face in my blog. A new blog design for the new year to come. Cool!

Thanks to Princessa, my blog now is the color, photo and layout of my choice. At last people would know at one glance that it’s my blog, and not the same as those who chose the same free blog theme. hehe!

Anyway, I just wanted you guys to see my new blog design (seriously, I’m very happy about this. So yah’all, indulge me puhleeze!) and I also want to greet everybody a very happy new year!!!

Note: It’s my mother’s birthday tomorrow as well. So…

To Nanay (tagalog for mother), happy birthday to you and I love you so much! *hugz & kisses*

I wasn’t expecting it. Princessa and Bubbles brought me along to an early Christmas gathering. It’s a Christian sort of gathering.

At first I was joking that I might burn into ashes since I haven’t been to confession or Church even-for  a very long time. But when the program started, and they started talking about the real essence of Christmas, I felt melancholic.

When they started singing Christmas carols (with me singing along with the choir) that’s when my eyes got watery and hot. I realized I was starting to cry. I’m not the type of person that would show weakness in front of people so I bit on my inner lip so hard just to stop myself from really crying right then and there.

After the program, I detached myself from the group and went to the parking lot to cry by myself.

Then why am I posting this in the internet? Two reasons (which are also the same reasons why I wept). I want to declare my faith, and announce to the whole world how much I love my family.

I’ll discuss my faith first.  I have said it before and I’m saying it again. I am a very faithful person, although I’m not a religious one. I believe in God… in a higher being. An omnipotent and omniscient  being that is beyond my comprehension.

I feel like I haven’t been a good daughter, sister and friend for a very long time and I feel ashamed of it. I am an abomination to His creation, and I need not say more.

Now my family. Since I was a kid I knew I have the perfect family. My parents raised us in a home full of love and respect.

My brothers and I grew up in the province. I remember whenever there will be blackouts in our place, all of us would stay together in our living room. Father and mother would be telling us stories about their lives when they were young, and about our grandfather and our uncles and aunties.

We would also be talking about what’s happening with our lives, our studies and our aspirations and plans for the future.

Now my brothers are all married and living separately. But we are still very close. There will always be family gatherings and we would still be sitting down together and updating the rest of the family on each other’s lives.

Christmas and New Year would be a highlight of our year. As early as October, we would start to plan on how to spend these two holidays. The decision would be very diplomatic. My brothers and I will vote on it. The choices would normally be either to go back to our province or spend the holidays in the City.

If for some reason, one of us will not be able to go back to the province (that means no choice for that particular sibling) then that means no need to vote on it. We would all be spending Christmas in the City. The goal is for us to be together.

Anyway we celebrate Christmas in a very simple way. All of us would be hanging Christmas stockings on the wall (the moment we find a job after graduation means our right to hang a stocking is forfeited). Now of course only my nieces and nephews have the right to do this.

Christmas morning, we would all go to church together (we will be late, confirmed!). After that, head home to eat the sumptuous feast that my mother prepared with the help of my brothers and my father (I’m the only one in the family who can’t cook).

After that we will then go and visit our relatives. To kiss the hands of our aunties, uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers. And to eat too. So basically it’s a whole day of eating (it would be rude if we don’t eat in every single house we visit). Normally we would finish late in the afternoon.

My brothers would be cooking another set of dish. Something to munch on while drinking. hehe. The ladies (my sister in laws and my mother) would hang out together, talk and munch on something and make sure that the kids are not fighting with each other.

During this time, I would be hanging around the guys (my brothers and my father) while they drink. I would be eating what they’re taking with their drinks. I wouldn’t be drinking though. My father wouldn’t even allow me to drink champagne. I’ll just sit with them and listen to their stories and their jokes.

There will be a little bit of difference every year, but basically this is how we would be spending Christmas every year.

Together.

So when I heard the carols, I felt very sad. For the first time in my entire life, I wouldn’t be with my family during this special season. So I cried until my eyes are all red and puffy and there’s no more tears to cry.

The whole time, I was relieving fond memories of my family. I love all of them very much, and all of them love me as much. Although I wouldn’t be able to hug them this year, I will definitely make sure that this is the first and last Christmas that I wouldn’t be spending with them.

I have a beautiful family. For me it’s perfect.

I am blessed. And I am grateful.

My parents happen to be the most important people in my life. I will never… EVER put them in a nursing home. Or even consider the idea.

They have loved me more than any daughter can ask for, and I will always be grateful. Although they don’t agree, I promised them that I will not get married so I can take care of them when need be.

Well, every single decision or achievement I made were all for them or partly for them. That’s how much I value my parents. It’s really easy if you have parents like those that I have.

Although I’m a brat, they make it a point to tell me all the time that they will always be proud of me and they will always be there to support me in whatever way they can. They’re very sweet.

They’re the perfect parents. Sometime I’m thinking I must have done something very good in my previous life to deserve having them. Because I’m a serious pain in the ass. haha!

Anyhow, although I have made a promise of undying devotion to my parents and to personally take care of them I know some people wouldn’t have the time to do it.

Different culture I guess. I’m amazed on how many nursing homes there are. It’s the next best thing I suppose…. » Read The Rest

Mistletoes… red stockings…Sta Claus…Christmas tree…a lot of food and presents!!!

People rushing…my father whistling… mother busy in the kitchen… my brothers cracking lame jokes to their wives… and I’m playing with my nieces and nephews and my favorite cousin.

Ah… this is how I remember my last Christmas back home. Every year, more or less would be the same. A day of setting aside all the troubles, and just being with the family.

This year, I wouldn’t be able to experience that. This is the first Christmas in my entire life that I wouldn’t be with them for Christmas.

Since that’s the case, I better work on my Christmas list then. It’s hard to figure out what’s the best gift for every one of them. And I hate going to malls. I don’t like shopping, unless I already have an idea what I’m gonna buy.

I have a good idea how to go about it though. I’ll just go to couponchief.com and search my way to a complete Christmas list of presents!

See, this website provides coupons to those that visit their site. That means I don’t have to go to the mall, and better yet… I’ll have discounts!! Quite neat if you ask me.

For my Mother and sister-in-laws, I’ll probably be getting something from The Body Shop since they’re keen on beauty products. As for my father and brothers, probably something more hi-tech.

I mean, they’re not really that hi-tech, but it would be easier for me if I get them something from, let’s say… HP or something near to that.

Not finalized yet, but my plan wouldn’t be too far from this. So far this is the outline. But I really need to start with the list now, or else I’ll end up not being with my family AND not being able to give them nice presents. Waaah!