the difference between bimbo and innocent….

Sometimes I like to look bimbo although I am soooo NOT! And I thought I could actually pull it off.

Recently, my good friend princess Sabrina told me that I don’t. Look like bimbo - that is. What I did is I tried to verify that. I always like to crack lame jokes and I try my best to look shallow and stupid sometimes.

Just for the fun of it. So what I did is I tried to look at all my photos in friendster. True enough, I can not find a single bloody picture with me having a bimbo look.

These are the closest thing I found.

Does this look bimbo? No right?

Try this one:

Nah, probably not. I think this is more of an innocent look than a bimbo look.

I probably should just drop my fantasy of looking like an airhead. At the end of the line, I will always like to read, I will always have the propensity to solve mathematical equations and solve for financial derivatives.

There is also no way that I’ll compromise my english just for the sake of this cause. I have different looks. It’s just that looking stupid is not one of them.

I think I can live with that.

From a vast expanse of nothingness
lies a seed full of promises
There in the stone and dirt
with the sun as a witness of its birth

A single tiny bud amidst a barren land
drop of crimson in never ending sand
The wind enfolds you in an embrace
till it recedes without a trace

Day after day you grow more beautiful
no other in your realm can be more delightful
Slowly your petals open up with every passing dawn
never losing grace, oh how you have grown

Inevitably you reach the pinnacle
undoubtedly agreed by all the oracles
Nothing more is there to ask for
you have become what others can only hope for

But then again, you look around
there is nothing, not even a sound
Nobody to say that you have reached perfection
the moon can only spare enough affection

Soon you will fade away
without company as crimson turns gray
You will not be tarnished
neither will you be cherished

You are but a dessert flower
never meant to last forever
Not a single soul will see your beauty
cursed to live a life in anonymity

Happiness for you is nothing but a possibility
if only there is someone to love you with such intensity
Then maybe you can say that you have truly existed
and there’s a reason why you ever lived…

This is a poem I wrote for great people who doesn’t want to share their gifts to others. It has always been my view that if you’re given a talent, you should be able to touch people.

What good is it if you are the most talented person on earth if you’re not able to make a difference? I’ve got my answer. What say you?

I am very close to my cousin. But the thing is, he lives in the US, and we don’t see each other very often. Normally, when he has the time he would write to me especially when he has no one else to pester.

Then there’s this period of time when he’s so busy with his law school application and with his studies that he’s not able to write to me for a very long time.

With a little inspiration together with a LOT of ALCOHOL, here’s the email that I produced.

hi cuz… i know i said i’ll write you a long email on the 2nd of december, but the thing is, you’re not writing to me!!!! you don’t love me anymore!!! huhuhu!!!

well, i wouldn’t allow it. anyway, i have a lot of things to tell you. how do i start? hmn… well, im not really in the mood for story telling right now. i had some to drink, and i can’t think straight.

by the way, have you read the latest article i wrote? you should. my singaporean friends loved it. hehe!!

what the F*&%$#k is happening with your life right now??!! i need information, data, facts, specifics! i havent heard from you for eternity, you know. okay, that’s OA, and an exaggeration and on the brink of melodramatic, but i know ur used to it. hahaha!!!

promise the next time i write, it’l make sense. altho im sure anything i write will make more sense than this. i dnt even know why im writing you this in the first place!

great, i think im goin nuts. or not! maybe just a little tipsy. oh, whatever! point is, im not hearing from you. give me your cellphone number. i just might call u if i get epileptic or something. haha!

this is so not going to anywhere. i knew it the moment i started writing. but still i wrote it. hmn… oh well. there’s nothing i can do about it.

i’ve typed a lot of words already and there’s no way im not gona send this. it took effort, and im not gona waste that. so there. a long email, about nothing in particular. except maybe that you should write more to your beloved cousin, who you care for and love so dearly!!

(in case you’ve forgotten. hehe)

that’s it. im going to bed. iv got an engagement party to attend to tomorrow. a lot of people to meet. new friends.. and thngs like that. so i better look good.

there. im done. hope you’re enjoying yourself there, and not missing me too much. it’l be 1 nd a half years or so before you see me again, so better keep yourself busy. haha! sorry cuz, im bored. i dnt have anybody to annoy. but dnt be annoyed too much that u dnt write.

anyway, really, im going to bed now. i guess it’s day time there. so no need to say goodnight. but hey! goodnight! mwahmwah!

love,

cel

Have you ever written something so stupid?! And funny thing is, I’m actually proud of it.In case you’re wondering, here’s what my cousin has to say about this.

MAN, TALK ABOUT THE MOST POINTLESS EMAIL EVER! haha just kidding cuz.
Nothing is new here, I’m starting my first day of school tomorrow, I only
have three classes until I graduate. I’m also applying for law school so I
can start next year. Man, I saw the picture of your boyfriend…..that’s
too bad that he looks like that…….what a shame….but I’m sure he’s got
a great personality…..sure…………………hahhaha. Anyway, I gotta go
now , bye cuz.

Isn’t it grand?! Or as he always likes to say… “I crack myself sometimes!”

‘It is better not to have loved, than to delude yourself that you have.’ - My version of Shakespeare’s “It is better to have loved and lost…”

I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately, and people think I’m bitter. Am I really?

I’ve known since time immemorial that I have the penchant for dramatics. Am I bitter because Scott has a new girlfriend? How do I define bitterness?

I don’t hate his new girlfriend. I don’t know her and I naturally don’t have any opinion of her.

Now… am I mad at Scott? No. But I have this habit of deleting people in my life when they have disappointed me to the point that I lose all respect for them.

Recent events and things that I’ve learned recently about him made me conclude that he has deceived me. His transgressions has gone beyond the borderline. It’s just not admissible.

So there - I eliminated Scott entirely and his girlfriend has never been of any consequence to me.

Does that make me bitter? Did I love Scott? There’s a big probability that I did but that doesn’t change who I am. And I happen to be the kind of person who can never forget injustice.

I can easily forgive. I don’t hate Scott. I admit I hated him before. But I stopped hating him. His existence for me is no more.

Scott. My first and longest running boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend since about 2 years ago.

Not who I would say is a smart fellow.

I know for a fact that he doesn’t remember anything from business school. He boasts about how much he knows when in fact, he knows so little and none of the things that a layman wouldn’t know.

I know there is not a single thing he knows that would impress me.

So is he stupid? Hell no! What he lacks in technical knowledge, he more than makes up for it with the way he uses people. A con artist if I may be so bold to say.

He is not entirely an asshole. He’s just a coward who doesn’t own up to his actions and his opinions.

He thinks some of my friends are sluts, some are idiots, and mostly bitches. But does he let them know or even make them feel that? No. He behaves so nice in front of them.

How could I possibly say that Scott has very low opinion of them when I know that all of my friends hold the same enormous ego as I myself have.

Speaking of ego, that is the only reason why Scott was able to hurt me. I never thought that a low life like him would have the audacity to make a fool out of me.

Scott can never be my friend. I have very high standards in choosing friends and I’m sorry to say that he will not pass even if he tries, and even if I force myself to.

I would want to call upon morality on my side but I’m afraid I’m not in the position to talk about morality.

All I can say is that Scott is a stupid fraud and I don’t have anything good to write about him right now. I’m not sure when I’ll ever have another decent thing to say about him.

I’m supposed to be studying right now for my CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst) exam, but yet as always I’m procrastinating.

I received my review materials months ago and I haven’t finished reading one book out of the 5 more than I haven’t touched.

These WHOLE STACK is what I have to read. Looks small right? Wait until you actually hold all the books in one box.

What’s great about these materials though is that they provide learning outcome statements. These would tell you which areas to focus on.

Throughout the book, there will be tags of which articles will actually be included in the exam and which are just there for the sake of knowing. Since I paid for the entire book, of course I will read everything.

There will be 240 multiple choice questions for the 6 hour long exam. I guess I’m hoping that stored knowledge will actually save my ass.

My plan is to master first my calculator.

This is my precious. haha! It’s a HP 12C calculator. I was thinking of getting the financial calculator from Texas Instrument. (BA II PLUS)

But I like the design of HP. I didn’t really bothered on the functionality. I figured if both are good enough for the CFA exam, then it wouldn’t be a problem. My focus is on the aesthetics.

Okay, shallow. I know. But whenever I’m reviewing. May it be marketing, finance, accounting or even law, I should always be surrounded by nice things.

Otherwise, I’ll be distracted and lose my focus.

Anyway, I should start my review now. Or else, I’ll be wasting the 350USD I spent for the books and the other 400++USD I spent for the exam registration.

The reason why I signed up though is not just for the certification. I have always liked finance and numbers. My tendency is that when I learned something, I would normally remember it.

I am nervous now about my exam. Excited at the same time. Contrary to normal belief, Finance is an exciting and fulfilling subject. It is very logical and can be precise. That’s what I like about this subject.

It can be ambiguous and crystal clear all at the same time, depending on how you look at it. I can’t wait to pass my CFA exam!!! Wish me luck!

a man who makes your heart skip a beat, or a man who keeps your heart beating????

It’s the same with the question…

“Who would you rather be with, someone who brings romance to your life or your best friend that has always been with you through thick and thin.”

Two of my best friends are facing this dilemma. Both have a relationship that has endured years. Suddenly, there’s this man. Sleek and exciting. Extremely attractive (at least to them) and treats them sooooo well.

What should they do? This is the question both of them bombarded me with.

For them, and for everybody who are facing the same daunting question, here’s what I think.

1. First, stay away.

Meaning, do not talk to any one of the choices. Do not meet them at all. Isolate yourself. One week should do the job.

2. Second, talk to your friends.

For friends, this should include people who knows you very well. You should also talk to people who knows your boyfriend, and people who knows your current debonair. Make sure that u know for a fact that these people can be rational.

3. Know what’s important to you

Everybody has different priorities, different personalities and taste. You should be able to know what would make you happy. Do not think of other people’s preference. Stress on the OTHER. It’s their preference. You are not obliged to concur.

4. Weigh your options.

So you have done your research already. It is time for you to weight everything you have. You did the back ground check by talking to the guys’ friends. And you reaffirm who you are, by talking to your friends.

This is the time for you to choose from the two options. If you don’t, you might end up being alone. Although being alone can be an option too.

5. Stand firm.

Making decisions also means doing things that are aligned to your decision. Be firm and do not waver. Whatever happens, there will be no regrets.

You have been fair to yourself and the men who wants to be with you as you move on with life.

OKAY, THAT’S IT.

This is just my view. You can opt either to listen to my advice, or you can just consider it crap. At the end of the day, it’s still your decision to make. And only you will be taking on the consequences.

I miss my province. The smell of the dew when you wake up every morning. With the fog just beginning to desipitate.

Hesitantly I would get out of my bed and hug my father. Then let him prepare breakfast for me and my mother. I miss those days!

Life has always been simple and peaceful. And another thing I miss is going to our fishpond. It’s a 14 hectare span of property. We grow prawns and milk fish there.

The best part is rowing a boat around the pond, with the sun kissing my face with the breeze slowly touching my hair.

Here’s me with my small boat and a paddle in my hand.

I’m with two of my gay friends and with my cousin in this picture. Just having a good time communing with nature. So to speak.

Oh and I also remember the time when I was 6 years old, and all the old people were asking me to recite a poem. I was missing my front teeth then. I have very curly hair and I’m sooo dark because of getting too much sun.

I always remember that whenever I visit out fish pond. There’s a lot of fond memories. Wish you all can come visit our fish pond. I’m sure my father will be glad to receive you guys. hehe!